Come on, you really believe Michael Waltrip got the Talladega poll without a little hooch in the zippity-do-dah? I swore I saw a blue flame coming out of his COT pipes pullin’ into the garage.

What, did you need Marion Jones to corn roll her beard to believe she was on the stuff? Geez, you may have missed it but her newborn four years ago with sprinter Tim Montgomery jumped out of her box with sideburns.

Please, Oral Roberts son Richard Roberts abusing the power of his daddy’s Bible Belt college? My word, $29,411 is a heck of a deal for his daughter and friends to the Bahamas on their senior trip. I think it was billed as “evangelistic function of the president.” Part-ay!

O.J.’s Rolex is authenticated as a China knock off? Yes’er, Ron Goldman’s old man just got “juiced” again.

George “Dum-ya” Bush says the CIA doesn’t use torture? Damn, was that a water drop on my computer?

Those were some of my headlines this weekend and they all read like Twilight Zone Cliff Notes on cheap whiskey and crackers. I know, make some sense of that one.

Each of these names and some of their cronies have a long way until they can even think about picking up a crayon to put some color back in their character.

We know so much about public figures nowadays that their gloss, which was as thick as the film on Waltrip’s carburetor in Daytona, is now as thin as O.J.’s alibi. We know so much about folks that many of us want to hop back in the vacuum we once lived.

I was chattin' to actor-musician Billy Bob Thornton last week and we started talking about a guitar hero of mine, Ted Nugent (Thornton’s band Tres Hombres opened up for the Nuge back in the 70’s).

I mentioned to him how disappointed I was to learn later in life about Ted’s political stance, his old conservative views and really, for me, his continued lack of humility and archaic thought. It wouldn’t be so bad if the Nuge could write a song or grab a riff that had some since of new millennium significance.

We say, hell, I say, just turn it off if you don’t like it. The problem, it is just not that isolated. It permeates e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!

Computers, newspapers, cell phones, Blackberrys, radio, TV, billboards and tattoos. You see?

Don’t get me wrong, we SHOULD know more about the goof bags around us and the people who can affect decisions in public places. It just sucks when it was one of those we innocently forked over some green for their music, dropped a dime-bag in the tithe tub for their message or bought a filter from their sponsor’s auto parts store.

That's what I Freakin' think.

You?

Shoot me an email @ kennys@speedfreaks.tv or give me a holler at the office 818-995-9159.