misremember, a verb

… to remember incorrectly; "I misremembered the date"

As you know by now, this week, baller Roger Clemens put the mis back in remember. However, it was the howdy boy bang of the ABC's that really put it over the top.

RC's abuse of the English language during his day trip in Capitol Hill’s humidor was reminiscent of many of my television stake-outs taking in some racing.

Before you go all “boogity boogity boogity” on me, all series are guilty. Supercross to Sports Cars, they all have their English language abusers.

However, it just so happens some of NASCAR’s verbal vagrants shine like that zit at the end of your nose the day you're getting your 7th grade photos… with the whitehead tacked on. Hey, relax, it “ain’t” that bad. YOU rubberneck every time you see Highway Patrolman show the cop crack to an unhappy driver on the side of the freeway.

Me? I can be the leader of the band at times with my Sargent’isms. I’m guilty as charged. A three striker times Earnhardt’s Sprint Cup car number.

That’s 264.

Yet, who’s the biggest motorsports offender on the big box? McReynolds? Nope. DW? Not even in the field. Hammond? Geez, he’s a regular wordsmith.

The only one that can carry the carnage crown of constant audio train wrecks, from start to finish, is driver and color commentator/imposter Michael Waltrip on the NASCAR Truck Series broadcasts.

It’s Nine Inch Nails on a chalkboard baby.

As soon as you hear the faint drops of the high pitched devilish choir boy, I bet muted animals run and hide. If they could hear him. What?

In radio, program directors get paid to bring in voices that gather listeners and, for the most part, are the welcome mat to that particular house. Whether they’re spinning T-Pain or cryin’ about Bush (another English language phenom), jocks are paid to purr in all languages.

Michael Waltrip’s excuse? I have no idea. SPEED program directors or SPEED talent coordinators for the NASCAR Truck series must be wearing a helmet the size of Talladega not to hear this stuff.

What else would explain it? Too many 70's The Who concerts with megaphones strapped to the ears?

Does he add some street cred to the b’cast? Hell, stock car’s Stanton Barrett has more credibility than this guy. Barrett’s Hollywood stunt man gigs make Mikey look and sound like Richard Simmons on stilts.

Please, for the love of Earl Scheib and one of the greatest racing adventures in years, the NASCAR Truck series, get this cat off my tube for the 2008 Truck season and beyond.

He’s Curley on helium.

If the Waltrip whine gets any louder, I’m calling the Capitol Hill gang and asking for THIS guy to be misremembered!

That's what I Freakin' think.


Shoot me an email @ kennys@speedfreaks.tv or give me a holler at the office 818-995-9159.